I love Des more than anything, but being a stay at home mom is super hard. I honestly look forward to being able to go back to work, even if it is just for like 2 days a week. This last week has been really wearing on me. He has been teething for about 5 weeks now, and hasn't slept thru the night for that long...He won't self soothe, he just cries til he works himself up so much that he can't calm down even when Cam or I go in and get him. I am not sure what to do. So last night we tried letting him cry, then picking him up, then letting him cry. Needless to say it didn't work. I ended up sleeping on the couch with him. I think he is going through a growth spurt too because he had about 3 bottles last night. I know they're not supposed to have them at this age in the middle of the night, but he was starving. He is eating during the day. But I don't know. He barely eats baby food and he won't eat enough "real food" to sustain him. I am getting frustrated and am about out of patience. I am exhausted and worn down. I can barely even do stuff around the house because of lack of energy. It's so hard, because until he started teething, he NEVER cried. Well, rarely. He has always been so chill and happy. He has done a 180. Some days he cries more than anything. He was getting on a good nap schedule, and has screwed it up within the last 3 days. It's almost 5pm and he had ONE catnap in the car.
I went to the salon today to get my nails done, and he did his stupid high pitched squeal almost the entire time. I had like 3 ladies get pissed at me. It was so stressful .. Needless to say, the next appointment is on Cam's day off.
I just don't know what to do for him, and I am tired and want to cry. I have been given lots of advice and nothing is working. It's so frustrating...I have told myself almost every day for the past 5 weeks that I am not sure I even want another kid lol...That's how AWFUL these weeks have been. I just feel angry and overwhelmed almost every day. I love Cam's days off so that Des can have someone else to be with. And I love when Cam gets off work. I swear to God, Des is better when Cam is at home.
I went to get a massage yesterday and 5 minutes after I left Des finally fell asleep. While he was awake he didn't squeal, then as soon as I get home, it starts again..WTF!? He is a mama's boy, but is so naughty for me... Is it because he spends more time with me than with Daddy? I don't know...All I know is I need sleep and a day at the Spa lol :)
We have a play date tomorrow with my friend Amanda and her twins Miles and Myka. That will be nice too. Kuz Des is usually good in the car and he loves his stroller-when we are walking outside anyway. I think we are going to the park, so that should be fun. He loves being outside. Maybe we will have to spend more time out there. I can put him in his pack and play and I will lay on the lawn on a blanket soaking up the last of the warmth and sun for the year...and maybe read my book haha...
Well, today has been a shitty day, but venting on here has definitely helped...I could use a nap and a hot bath too...but Desmund is making at least the nap part impossible...lol :/ blah!
...There are so many phases babies go through their first year of life. I'm sorry it's been so hard being home with Des all day, every day. This is really what it's like to be a stay at home mom with a baby: hard work. Believe it or not, it gets easier again. M was very, very hard the first few months of her life. I had a very hard time being alone with her. On top of having a new baby, I had a lot of anxiety. At least you aren't afraid to take Des places!! I rarely took M anywhere alone because I didn't want her to cry (and she had a high-pitched scream). I couldn't wait for Alan to get home (at midnight) so he could take over...There's a lot of learning and figuring out to do when it's your first. Don't let your first baby define how many kids you decide to have. I didn't want anymore after having M -- at least for awhile. But those feelings passed.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope it's not out-of-line to suggest this, but praying to God has helped me many, many, many times with a new baby. Sometimes all you can do is pray to get through a difficult day. And I mean kneeling down right where you are and asking for help. Heavenly Father loves His children and He's the perfect parent.
Again, I am not trying to offend or preach...But when all else fails that you have tried and you don't know what else to do, you can pray.
I remember praying in my head that I wouldn't throw Spencer through the wall. Lyena for that matter too. Seriously though, it is hard. Dang hard. I don't anyone is truly prepared for it. Spencer didn't sleep through the night until he was nearly a year old. He still nursed, but he needed it. I think it's a rarity having a baby sleep through the night and stay that way. I had one, our of four. And from talking to my friends, it is a rarity. It seems, as soon as you get a schedule, they're start teething/growing/rolling/crawling/standing/or any number of "new" things that disturbs them. Aften would stand up and then scream, not cry, scream until someone came to put her down, because she couldn't. It takes awhile, and it is so tiring. This is why I don't completely understand working away from home. When they do nap, I want to nap, or sometimes the only way to get them nap is to lay by them. Which invariably, leads to a nap for me as well. Don't get me wrong, we all need breaks from our children. Otherwise, how would we every miss them? This is where spa days, ladies' nights, book clubs, or even a part time job come in. Also, it seemed like Spencer would nap and be happy for just about anyone else but me. I totally understand that. Maybe there's a friend who could take him for a couple hours, just so you could get some rest. My home teacher when Spencer was little was a godsend. Stuart was at sea, so I had no tag-team partner, and they would take him just so I could have a couple quiet hours. No one does it alone. It serously takes a village. It's wonderful to have that support. I do hope he gets better for you, but remember, this too shall pass. When I spent 6 months walking all night with Lyena because she was screaming, it seemed like it would never end. And now, you would never guess that. Evie was like a dream after those two. Good luck! God bless and we love you!
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