It's been probably the craziest, hardest, most stressful year of my life. I lost myself for a while. Distanced myself from family and friends. Made some "bad friends". Starting drinking more than normal. Went on antidepressants. Plus drinking. I couldn't get outta bed most days, let alone clean or do much of anything with Des or Cam. I never wanted to come home. I was drowning. I started counseling and antidepressants and have learned a lot about myself lately. I became a person I couldn't look at in the mirror. I hurt a lot of people I love and almost tore my little family apart. Counseling and meds have helped immensely. I have learned to not bottle things up or hold things in or let things go too far before dealing with them. I've learned to communicate my feelings and my thoughts. It's been a journey and it's far from over. But I am a completely different person than even 3 months ago.
Cameron and I have hit a lot of bumps that I won't go into detail about. But I've learned that love can conquer all. I have the most amazing husband in the world. He's my rock. He's seriously my everything and it took a lot for me to fully realize that. I need him in my life. He's my reason for living. For getting up in the morning. For the smile on my face. He's more incredible than anyone will ever know. His love for me is amazing. Unconditional.
I am finally to the point where my days aren't hazy. Where I can function. And not only that, I can smile and laugh without faking it. Or pretending. I am me again. Ila. Not carefree, by any means. But relaxed. Happy. So happy. I interact with Des. And others. I smile. I laugh. I have my downs but no where near where they were before and definitely not as often. I never ever wanna feel that way again. I love my life. I love my husband. I love my son. Life isn't perfect, but it's pretty amazing.
This is just a recap of so much that has happened. I can't even put it all into words. I wasn't even "home" for the past months. The lights were on, but that was it. I went thru the motions. I was a robot, a zombie. On autopilot.
But things are amazing. Cam and I finally moved outta his moms house in April. Cameron's business is going incredibly well. I started working at a salon. Quit Applebee's. Starting work at famous Dave's. Quit there after training. Quit the salon and now I'm leasing at a salon with one of my best friends. It's amazing. I love what I do. Cameron has been extremely supportive of this big move in my career. It's nice being my own boss and I had an amazing first week.
Idaho Falls finally feels like home. Things are amazing. And I feel stronger and better than ever. I am so in love with my boys and we have lots of fun adventures ahead of us. I can't imagine life without either one of them. 💙
Oh ya, we adopted a kitten from the humane society. She's gorgeous. A year old Siamese cat. We named her Kit Kat. She's amazing.
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